Apizza Scholls (4741 SE Hawthorne Blvd., Portland, OR)

APPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAA SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSCCCCCCCCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Let’s all say it together—slowly, with some reverence please! As you might already know from my piece on Lucali’s, I love pizza. As Woody Allen once said to Annie Hall, “I don’t just love you, I luuuurrvvve you.” I myself have said this to Court and even more often, to pizza. Not just any pizza, mind you, but I find it slipping out to a particularly wonderful pizza. Having lived in New York City for close to a decade, I also fancy myself somewhat of an expert on the subject and even though I ate my way through many pizzas in its birthplace of Italy, I have still maintained that New York is the home of the best pizzas in the world. I know it may sound obnoxious, but I never rooted for the Yankees so I thought that my pizza superiority complex was fair. When I left New York, I have to admit that I was very ready, but I did have serious concerns at leaving the pizza (Grimaldi’s in particular). But there is something wonderful about the fact that generally, at even at the most modest pizzeria, you can get a decent and inexpensive slice. So upon arriving in the fair city of Portland, I resolved to get over my pizza pining and just learn to perfect making one at home. That was short lived, as I do not have a wood burning oven that reaches 800 degrees….

I knew from Anthony Bourdain’s special on Portland, that he was entranced with Apizza Scholls, but I am still not sure as to how much of Tony’s rants and raves I really believe at this point. Don’t get me wrong, I am smitten with the man and have even been known to start instinctively following him when I have come across his path in NYC (he is so willowy!) Regardless, I decided it was time to try the place after a good solid two weeks without pizza (it was painful I assure you).


When we first arrived, it was a Tuesday at 6 pm and we waited for about a half hour. We had heard tales of the long waits, but this did not bother us at all and in fact allowed us time to venture over to the old school arcade with Donkey Kong, Ms. Pacman, and Galaga. There is nothing like old school video games to build up an appetite for pizza! We ordered two old speckled hens, the Caesar salad and a Margarita with homemade sausage. The Caesar is huge and by far and away one of the best Caesars I have ever had at a restaurant. Actually, in our Portland adventures, we have discovered that the city has a knack for perfectly balanced Caesars. Apizza Scholl’s Caesar was tart, garlicky, and full of perfect romaine leaves, croutons, and anchovies. I was already getting emotional eating such an amazing Caesar salad, when the pizza arrived. It actually brought tears to my eyes when I took my first bite.


All of my fears about not being able to eat an exquisite pizza outside of NYC had been unfounded! This was the most delightful combination of a thin but chewy crust, fresh slightly tart sauce, and the amazing homemade sausage, oh the sausage! Our waitress that first night has remembered us every time that we have been in since, and trust me, she serves thousands of people! I have to admit that the subsequent visits were not quite as emotional as the first time, but especially on the nights that we excel at Donkey Kong, Apizza Scholls is just about perfect.